When we first started offering online sessions, I’ll be honest — I wasn’t sure how well the depth of this work would translate to a screen.
I’ve changed my mind completely.
After years of working with couples across New Zealand via video — couples in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Hamilton, Dunedin, rural Hawke’s Bay, and everywhere in between — I can tell you that online counselling works. Not as a second-best option. It works in its own right.
Here’s what I’ve found, and when it makes the most sense.
How online sessions work
It’s simpler than most people expect. You get a link ahead of time and join from wherever you are — your lounge, your home office, wherever you have reasonable privacy and a good enough internet connection. You can both be in the same room together, or if your schedules mean you’re in different locations, that can work too.
We use a secure video platform. The session unfolds just like an in-person session — we talk, we listen, we work. The only thing missing is the physical presence in the same room, and in practice, most couples stop noticing that within the first few minutes.
What works well online
A few things actually work better online, in my experience.
Being in your own space can lower the barrier to vulnerability. There’s no drive to someone’s office, no unfamiliar waiting room, no feeling of having to perform being okay in public. You’re already home. Some couples find they can go somewhere they couldn’t in an office environment.
It also removes the access problem. If you’re in rural New Zealand, or your schedules don’t align with the geography of where counsellors are based, online opens things up significantly. We work with couples across New Zealand who would otherwise have very limited access to this level of support.
And practically: no travel time, no childcare to arrange if you’d normally need it, no coordinating two people’s schedules around getting to the same location. That matters for busy couples.
What to keep in mind
Online works best when you have somewhere genuinely private to speak. If you’re worried about being overheard, that concern takes up space in the conversation that would otherwise go toward the work. Worth thinking through ahead of time — even just putting headphones in and letting whoever else is in the house know you need an hour.
The other thing: a stable internet connection helps more than people think. Not for the technology — most platforms handle imperfect connections fine — but because a dropped connection mid-session can interrupt something important. If you know your connection is unreliable, a mobile data backup can be worth having.
When in-person is worth considering
If you’re local to Havelock North or Hawke’s Bay, in-person sessions are available and there is something particular about being in a genuinely neutral space together. Some couples find the change of environment — away from home, in a space that isn’t associated with the patterns you’re trying to shift — helps.
For the Elite Intensives specifically, many couples travel to Havelock North for the in-person experience. Coming away from your normal life for two or three days, dedicating that time fully to the work, has a quality to it that’s worth the logistics.
But if you’re anywhere else in New Zealand, online is not a compromise. It’s just the format that fits.
The honest bottom line
Some of the most significant breakthroughs I’ve witnessed in twenty years of this work have happened over video. Not despite the format — sometimes because of it.
If you’re in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, or anywhere across New Zealand and the distance has been the thing stopping you from reaching out — it doesn’t need to be.
If this resonates, book a free 15-minute call. We can do that online too.